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Nov. 2nd, 2007

Coffee shop flowers

Are you serious?!

FUCK  I need to stop trying to fix things with people when i am not in the right mind. FUCK I need to stop calling people and being an asshole. I don't mean to be, this is not something that has happened before. FUUUUCK  I am messing up so bad. I am not used to this. I've never been this dramatic in my life. What The Hell Happened?!  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

I said some horrible things to Kayla concerning someone, not even realizing I was in the wrong. I'm just going stop calling her altogether. Maybe I should just forget about it. Why The Fuck Did This Happen?! Maybe i'm just not cut out for relationships with females. It's so easy to be with a guy, they do whatever you say. (AHrh) Damnit I hate this....... a;ebshtubheri'[0hvurhe;i

EDIT: Thinking back, I wasn't in the wrong at all! There was nothing wrong or offensive about what I said. Just the truth. Man, I didn't need that guilt trip. Fuck her.
Coffee shop flowers

Ack, I fell...what?

   I missed my meetings today. Slept right through them. I was up quite late last night. 
I can't believe this, I never mess up. And when I do it's never to this extent. Trying to figure out wth is up.

Damn I miss everyone in school so much. I glad we talk all the time though. Makes everything easier to accept. I love them so much.

My mother and Steve(mom's bf) are painting my brothers room now. Getting ready to sell our house.  They have their music up so loud. Lol, not that I don't like what they listen to, I love it. Just not in the mood.

The sun just set. Everything is orange and pink, it's really nice. it smells like a cozy winter.  (wierd, I can't smell any fireplaces going, it's real chilly too)
Reminds me of being at an amusement park on the old car ride where you can turn the wheel and you think you can control the car, but your really on a track. [And you smell the exhaust of the other cars, then you want to go go-kart racing.  Aww, mini-golf times!]

I want to watch many a movie. bye now.

Nov. 1st, 2007

backturn pink

Salem Times!

   So Salem was AMAZING. Kayla was an undead vampire thing, Luke was a mad scientist (looked a lot like JTHM and Edward scissor hands). I dressed as some kind of gothic-rocker...cat-thing. For more fun, they wore collars attached to chains on a leash that I held. Supaa-fun! A lot of people got a kick out of it cuz we got quite a few pictures.      We also entered the costume contest and had a shit load of people vote for us. We left before the end because Kayla didn't want to stay. (which was a good thing because drunk people kept hitting on us)   All the while, as we were walking, we spotted a number of people we recognized from anime cons, sci-fi cons, and Ren-faires! It was great to see people again.

   I realized that I've cried more at Kayla's than i have my whole life. It's ridiculous.
Returning from Salem we wanted to watch a scary movie, She only had White Noise. I never wanted to watch that movie ever again, because I believe in that stuff. That movie really scared me the first time I saw it. The second time was more sad, but I really wasn't paying much attention to it, Kayla and I talked through, like all of it.
We watched Rent today, and most of the movie we just talked. I've never talked to anyone so long, in multiple sittings, about one subject. I find it amazing, and kind of bitter-sweet.

    On the drive home, we found a guy in a red pickup to play with. It started with him and I sharing a glance. He smiled, then he took off. This got Luke(Luke was driving[god I love him so much!], Kayla was in the back) angry somehow, by this guy looking at me, so he followed him intensely, going 90 weaving through traffic. we caught up to him and said your turn. Everyone smiled, he nodded and took off again. this happened a few times until we decided it was time to win. Side by side we both smile, I tip my top-hat, he nods, and we take off. He couldn't catch up. Gosh I have so much fun fun on the road!

  Back at my house we say our goodbyes and Luke and Kayla leave. I go downstairs to say hi to Kyle, and find all my stuff that was in my boxes all over the floor, and gifts that I was planning on giving people all opened and used. Not to mention theres food everywhere. He has no sense of privacy and he destroys everything. And continues to lie about it. It drives me crazy. I thought we were making progress, but I don't know how calm I can stay when I keep remembering stuff from what he's done before. I really don't think he cares. There is no attempt to fix anything. Why don't families try as hard as you? Why does talking work for everyone but your family? Is it easier to block it out because you share the same blood?

  So eating isn't much of a problem anymore. I'm very much used to my tongue now. ;P

  I have another meeting tomorrow with the college.
I also need to go to AAA for my license (Still can't believe I don't have it by now). Which means that I'll have to see Anya. Who works there now. (*sigh* that's another story)

Oct. 31st, 2007

Coffee shop flowers

Halloween treats

  I'm packing clothes to go to Kayla's for a couple days. I got  to find my fangs, we'll be some smexy vampires.
We'll be visiting Salem for Halloween with some friends. Should be some fun times.

My brother Kyle wants me to help him with his costume. It's pretty fun. He's being this creepy guy from SlipKnot . We're putting all these Iron-on things on the jacket and gothic jewelery pieces to his person.
He Just got his Mo-hawk done too. In an effort to get more in touch with him I proposed to cosplay as the characters we always chose in Guitar Hero. He was really excited at the idea. He will be Johny Napalm, and I'll be Casey Lynch. Supaa Fun! We'll have Guitars and all! XD
(another cosplay we plan to do in the future is Rikku and Brother [FFX] as brother and sister! Which is fun to think about)

So, I've been playing Guitar Hero 3 (haven't beaten it yet) and I've got to say, it's a little lacking. Most of the songs are b-rated if at all. The song that I really want to play are still hidden to me. I've bought everything, and I still cant find the 'turn it black'  song which I desperatly want to play. Grrr >:[

Gah, I need a shower. Mike will be here in I'm assuming an hour or two to pick me up.
 I love being a night owl. All the fun stuff happens at night.  :D  

I guess a few more songs before I go shower is ok. 

Oct. 29th, 2007

Coffee shop flowers

Brother troubles...good or bad?

   Alright, so my brother Kyle has been going through a tough time with his new girlfriend. (kyle is 16) I have always known all his friends and everyone he's ever been in contact with. Either I was friends with them before hand or they liked me more than him to begin with. His recent Gf, Toby, 15, I have never met. Strange, because she is the cousin of our mutual friend, and his best friend, Joe. (they also live next door to each other, which happens to be down the street from our fathers house)     Toby's parents DO NOT like Kyle in the least. Shit went down in the past with Kyle and Joe(that I'm not supposed to know about, but again, his friends tell me everything) So, their whole family doesn't like him. Toby's parents ended up kicking her out of the house for seeing him. She did not go to her other family's house next door so she went to our father's with Kyle. Kyle called me to see if I was home at my mothers (at the time I didn't know what was going on) I said 'no, I'm at the ren-faire'. He seemed to be in a hurry, his breathing was labored. He then hung up with no explanation.  I later found out when I returned from the week at Kayla's, he wanted me home to watch over Toby. Her parents eventually came looking for her and brought her home.   When I returned  home  I was informed by my brother that Toby had just broken up with Harrison.    
--Now hearing this threw me for a loop. 
About a year and a half ago, I  was working as a painter at my old high school, on the Summer Arts Festival. Harrison was a working as a carpenter.  The set took a little over a month and a half to build.  The remainder of the summer the show was performed.  I worked backstage during the show.  Harrison would bring his Gf, Destiny, to the shows and we'd all hang out with the other stage hands. over those couple of weeks we got to know one another pretty well. I had developed quite a crush on her. (just for details-she is about 5 ft., has tinted skin and dark hair--adorable!!)  The last night of the performance, most people had left. Only a few actors and stage hands remained to clean up. I had finished moving all the furniture we had commandeered to use back stage. I had 'forgotten' my bag on stage and asked Destiny to come with me to get it.  It was so dark on stage, there were only blue lights overhead from the end of the play. I turned her around (I had already had my bag ;P)  and said she should forget about Harrison and be with me.(FYI- this is the most douche-bag thing I have ever done, I still feel kind of bad about it) I guess she was really surprised because she was tripping her words. She said that she was sure I had a Bf and wasn't interested in females at all. I explained how wrong she was. She smiled and said yes. Hug-cuddles happened. She still had to go home with Harrison tonight.  I wasn't planning on her telling him so soon. We came to the set the next morning for break-down now that the show was over. It was just the stage hands that were there.   Harrison came in yelling and screaming. No one knew wth he was going on about. I'm glad he didn't say. I had never planned on coming out to anyone I worked with. Harrison knew because he was in the GSA with me when I went to that school.         We had a long talk, and I'm pretty sure he was going to slap me; I would've let him. I felt I deserved it. ---huh, now that I think about it, I guess I'd let Kayla slap me too, just once. God, what is wrong with me--- Anyway, in the end neither of us got to be with her(Harrison and I made made up- I never have enemies for too long). Destiny was supposedly staying in West Hartford (where I live) with her mother. But ended up moving back with her father in Texas. She wanted to stay here, more of her friends were here, she didn't have any siblings either. It must have been lonely. We would send emails and myspace messages for a little while. But that ended quite some time ago.

  Anyway, now I was sure Harrison would hate our whole family. (granted, Kyle wouldn't know why, I haven't told him yet)  I met with Harrison in the center (where high-schoolers hang out at night)  and resolved everything that needed to be taken care of. He no longer has ill-feelings toward my brother, and they still hang. (yay! :) )  I do need to meet with him again to find out more on Toby. She's really doing a number on my brother. Apparently she cuts herself quite often, and has attempted suicide twice. While I don't like seeing my brother suffer over his first love, I like that he comes to me for advice. We have never talked like this before, which leads me to believe he really cares for her. I really like getting along with my brother. For a long time it was really rocky, still is, but it's better.  I'm helping the best I can, but I find that I'm almost in the same predicament as he. however, I can not tell him. All I can do for him is be there when he wants to talk. I'm glad he's using that. I usually know what's going on with him from his friends anyway, but it's much better to hear it from him.

omg! I can write stuff! Lol, i want some hot chocolate. :)

Oct. 27th, 2007

Coffee shop flowers

Trying to figure out LJ....this is a test.

Um ok, write something. So I'm trying to figure out how to use this site, and I'm only getting more confused. I think I'll just have to have a really boring-to-look-at page. I'm also very hungry. This tongue piercing (Oh yea, Kayla and I got our tongues pierced 3 days ago. Speaking is fun, Ppl say I sound as if I'm from Boston. Sweet. It's a task to eat things, at the same time it's really fun figuring new ways to eat things. :) )    Right, so this will count as my first post. Woo! Celebrate the first!